Are you discarding Gods Blessings?

When our bodies are weak,
We search for strength.

When our hearts are broken,
We search for courage.

When our souls are lost,
We search for an undying, unconditional love.

We’re always searching for something better, for the one thing that will finally bring us joy, peace and contentment.

Yet, in the middle of all the searching we fail to see what we have already been given, the blessings handed to us, the gifts on our own doorsteps.

God rarely lights up a marquee when he blesses us.
He doesn’t always wrap it in a big bow and deliver it UPS.
Sometimes he drops it in our laps, but we’re too busy searching for something better, we fail to see it, so we drop the gift on the floor and discard it with the trash.

How sad is that?

To think we could discard Gods blessings so easily, because we weren’t paying attention.

We asked for prayer,
We sought Gods advice,
We went to him with our problems,
Then we discard his answer because we missed it, or it’s not what we had hoped for.

What gifts have you failed to notice?
What blessings have you discarded?
What opportunities have you let slip by because you were too busy looking for something bigger and better?

Are you without a job?
Maybe God is allowing you special time with a family member.
Cherish those moments, and create new memories that will last your lifetime.

Are you seeking a relationship, only to be hurt by every guy/girl you meet?
Maybe that special someone is right in front of you, but you can’t see it because your looking for Mr./Mrs. Right in all the wrong places.

House hunting? Maybe a bigger house isn’t the answer.
A haven can be created out of the smallest of places and a home is where Jesus resides.

Our Lord knows our every need & the timing that is perfect to receive it.
He gives us what we “need” not always what we “want” because he knows we will thrive with the blessings he gives.

It is my prayer that we all learn to sit & listen to Gods answers.
To hold on to the blessings the Lord drops into our laps & to be content with what he feels we need, not what we feel, we want.

It would be a tragedy to miss out on something “amazing”, because we’re too busy looking for something “better.”

God Bless!

The Truth is

It’s been a long while since I posted anything on this blog, over a year to be exact.
Why? The honest truth, I was ashamed.

For most of my life, I have been the “supportive friend, daughter, sister” etc.
The one anyone can go to and “know” I will listen, not judge, just love them and help them through their pain. Honestly I sought out those who were hurting because I believed I could offer comfort and I truly wanted to. I believed and I still believe that helping others and healing broken hearts and wounded souls, is my calling.

I LOVE bringing joy to people’s lives, I go out of my way to think of ways to make people laugh, smile and feel loved. Its what I do, it’s what makes my heart feel good. I’ve even gone so far as to say, “it’s what I live for!”

Most see me as this “open book,” or “loud mouth Kath who says what everyone else is afraid to say.” That’s why its hard to be so brutally honest here and open my heart up for all to see. The truth is, I’m very shy and all my cards are not on the table at all times. There are few in my life who truly know my insecurities, my fears, my worries and that I feel safe enough to go to for support.

So here I am… Typing away… wondering what to say next or why I am even doing this.
Should I just delete this post and go back into my hole and make everyone think everything is great, fine and wonderful?

The only thing that is keeping me here is my love for people and my intense “need” to help others. Its knowing that If I can just get through this post, someone, somewhere, might relate to it and there is a small possibility that someone will heal from it.

So here goes….This last year 2011 has been a brutal year for me.
Personal issues & health, family health issues & worries, financial worries, you name it we had it thrown at us this year, and I “allowed” each and every moment to pound me deeper and deeper down until honestly even I didn’t recognize myself anymore.

I have been the girl who runs to God in crises. This year I ran to Guinness.
I have been the girl who turned to Jesus when my heart hurt. This year I turned to food.
I was the girl who loved people, who yearned to meet new people daily.
This year I became a hermit, holding myself up in my apartment, busying myself, so I wouldn’t have to face the world outside.
I was the one who always told people, that no matter what Jesus WILL NOT abandon you..
This year I wondered where he was…

Now, I’m not much of a drinker, so don’t go thinking I went on a years drinking binge, BUT the facts are my body can not handle alcohol every week, even if its one or two drinks. My stomach had been damaged by the ravaging effects of Bulimia and Anorexia and I fully KNOW that alcohol damages the lining of my stomach and this can give me a bleeding ulcer and this year, I didn’t care. I was seeking peace and I wanted to forget my problems and even one Guinness or a few red wines with friends helped me do that or so I thought…

I then got to a stage where taking care of myself was suddenly not an option and all bets were off. Bring on the Bangers and mash,(sausages and Mashed potatoes), bread, Ham, Chicken, Eggs, Potato Chips, Dip, mayo, etc. This may not sound like bad food and it’s not but animal products and gluten makes me violently sick! So I went off my vegan diet and this was a year long quest with severe consequences for my body and I didn’t care.

I sit here very humble as I admit to having a certification in Nutrition and health coaching and I’m ashamed. I’m 35 lbs overweight, my cholesterol is 300, which is a heart attack waiting for a place to happen, I’ve been in and out of emergency rooms more times in the last 3 months for stomach issues, than I have in the 10 yrs after breast cancer and my immune system is in the gutter. I’ve had two major colds and flu’s in the last 3 months and I did this to myself! I allowed this to happen!

Somewhere on this blog, I talk about how proud I am of my faith and of who I have become as a person. I talk a lot about teaching people how to treat you and how not to De-value yourself.

Well..truth time..I am not proud of the person I have become.
I am not proud that instead of running to the man (God) who has gotten me through EVERY crises in my life, the man who I have trusted with every deep secret, the man who was there for me when NO ONE else was..

I am NOT proud that I ran away from him, In fact, I’m ashamed that I ran away.
I am not proud that I de-valued myself so much that I started abusing my body with foods and drinks that I fully know were bad for “my” health.
I am not proud that I have become a hermit and instead of living life fully, I have fully left life.

I stopped writing, I bailed on my Facebook RecreatingMe pages, I neglected this blog.

All things that I LOVE to do, I walked away from.
Now I have to pick up the pieces physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I am a Mom in transition, I don’t know what I want right now. BUT I believe that life brings lessons and out of every bad comes a blessing. I have learned a lot this last year and I thank God that through supportive friends and family, he has shown me it was “me” that walked away and not him.

I know he has a plan for my life.
I know I am meant to bring comfort, joy and support to those who are hurting.
I know I am meant to help heal broken hearts and wounded souls and that is still something I live for.
How I am going to do it? No clue..

I do know that whatever I do, however many tears I cry in the process, I’m no longer alone, I cant control my life anymore.
Jesus has my back.
I found my way home.

Thank You for welcoming me home Jesus!

New Years Resolutions = NYR or SLN = Start Living NOW!

Coming Soon: “Recreating Me Ministries”

I’ve been thinking a lot about New Years Resolutions.

Seriously what’s the deal?
Why do we make them?
Is it a way to right our wrongs?
The assumption that we somehow failed the other 364 days of the year,
so taking a stand is going to make everything right?

Do we feel that we somehow “lost sight of our goals?” and that publicly sharing our NYR will hold us accountable? If we tell everyone we can’t possibly “blow it” this year right?

I think we need to SLN = Start Living NOW!

A Resolution is: “a firm decision to do or not to do something”

We make decisions everyday that affect our lives and we need to acknowledge those and give ourselves some credit for a job well done the other 364 days of the year.

Tell me, who said that our NYR’s are any more important than the decisions we make to love our families, to care for our kids, to stay in school, even when the teacher is pissing us off and we believe we deserved that higher grade. We stay in relationships even when our partner is wrong, because we realize we are no picnic to live with either and everyone make mistakes.

Then December 31st rolls around and we sit there and reflect on the last year. Some of us will pat ourselves on the back for having the courage to deal with the events of the last year and some will berate ourselves as apparently we now have license to feel like a failure.

Who said?
Who gave us the right to berate ourselves for not achieving unrealistic goals?

Maybe I am missing the point.
Maybe to some its all a big game, like scratching off a lottery ticket with the slim chance you may win a free ticket or going to Hollywood and actually believing you will find your favorite movie star sipping a latte in Starbucks.

I know there are some people who take this very seriously.
For some, January 1st is symbolic of new beginnings, a fresh start, and a time to wash away the old and begin again. Some may change their lifestyle, their hair color, make a big move, change jobs, get married or file for divorce.

For those who find themselves feeling like failures because they didn’t achieve their NYRs, It’s time to give yourself some credit for all the successes you have had this year and value the choices you have made.

So why wait till December 31st to start over? What hold does January 1st have on you?

“At any moment of any day, we can start the day over”

We don’t have to wait for New Years Day.
We have control of our lives today, at this moment, now!

We make decisions that are best for us, sometimes we make bad decisions and then it’s time to re-evaluate but the beautiful thing is that at any moment we can make up our mind to change.

Have you ever heard someone say: “You make me want to be a better person?”

Can you look into a mirror and make the decision to be the person, YOU want to be proud to know?

Who do YOU want to see looking back at you?
Who do YOU want to be?

You can start right living now!

You don’t have to wait till January 1st.

I realize that NYR’s are, in ways, a rite of passage but I refuse to make them because we have that right everyday we just don’t realize it.

Every year I feel compelled to come up with some smart mouthed NYR just to buck the system. I’m a rebel what can I say ☺

“I’d like to be a princess this year” and “I’d like to lose a million pounds so I can finally fit into that dress that only a BARBIE DOLL could wear”

So this year instead of bucking the system I am creating my own.

Why?

Because it’s my life and I have that right!

God gave us a beautiful gift, it’s called “free will” and I have the right to live my life the way I chose and I chose to make myself proud.

So this year I am giving myself permission to live each day to the fullest, to enjoy every moment, to change my mind when I want to, to make new decisions and then decide if I am going to go through with them, to stop and smell the coffee when “I” want to, to follow my dreams and live my life on my terms not some hallmark calendars.

I want to become the person I am proud to know!
I want to see that person in the mirror and be proud to see me looking back.

This won’t be an easy task. I have set some tough goals for myself this year but I chose those goals based on past failures.

This last year, I decided to stop living with regrets, and start living.

I need to prove to myself that I am a strong, courageous and smart woman.

So after earning a certification as a Nutrition Consultant and working half way through a course as a certified Health coach, I chose to move forward to earn a B.A. in Human Services and ultimately get a degree as a marriage and family therapist.

For a C-D-F student in High school this is a HUGE task and one that has lowered my self-esteem and stolen my joy long enough!

This is a life long dream that will culminate in me being able to help others love and live their lives fully not fearfully.

So no NYRS for me, I am all about living NOW not later, being in the moment, as I am not guaranteed tomorrow and cherishing every challenge, every good, every bad and every blessing given to me.

So Happy Start Living Now 2010

Life is too short to put off to tomorrow what you could be enjoying today.

Because he loves me

I’ve had a lot of discussions recently about my faith.

Why do I believe, what I believe?

I think when people ask, they expect some grand philosophical discussion about the bible,
Gods promises or my families lineage.

Instead they get me.
I’m a simple person.
I see life in simple terms.
Anything too complicated and I break it down, so I can understand or relate to it.

I realize some feel the need to argue their views on faith.
That’s their right, not my choice.

I hear some won’t accept God until they’ve seen proof,
so they run around looking for scientific facts.
Again, it’s their right, not my choice.

I refuse to debate or argue why I believe in Jesus,
nor will I entertain the idea of leaving him for another “religion.”
I respect your choices, please respect mine.

My views are simple.

I love Jesus.
He is my savior.

Why?
Because actions speak louder than words.

When I cried myself to sleep as a child, he was there.
When I felt the worst form of betrayal, he was there.
When I battled eating disorders, starving, cutting and crying out to God, he was there.

He was there when I tried to kill myself.
He cried with me when our child died.
He gave me strength to be a good Mom to two very sick children.

He healed my soul after domestic violence and brought me a man who would love, honor and forever protect me.

When cancer ravaged my body, he held me as I screamed out in pain.
He kept me strong, gave me courage to fight, the will to live, and hope for a happier tomorrow.

He is the one man, who has loved me unconditionally and who will never betray me.
He has dried my tears, comforted my heart and never let me go.
He is the one I count on to keep me safe, bring me hope and move me forward everyday.

He loves this broken body and he has healed this broken soul.
He is my heart, my soul, my everything.

I see life in simple terms.

Jesus loves me.
I love him.
It’s that simple.

Family

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about what “family” means to me, how I define the word and those who have affected my life.

These days there are so many definitions of family.
Some are born into a family; others marry into one.
We now have step-families, surrogate families, adopted families and sometimes friends become family.

No matter how you got there, these people for better or for worse, are yours.
You now have an opportunity to form a bond with them and pull closer or farther apart.

Families aren’t perfect; they are filled with human beings who make daily mistakes.
Although some may have different levels of education, no one passed the course on
“how to be the best family member.” No one bribed the teacher or earned a master’s degree in “Perfect families 101.”

We’re all learning. The lessons we learn from our families teach us how to survive in the outside world. It is because of these people, that we become better people and in turn learn how to raise better people.

Think about it!

Where else can you learn patience, love, rage, how to throw spit balls, how to clean a cat box, how to burn eggs, and how to curse in different languages?

Want some examples?

Your brother just told his best friend that you like him.
You’re so mad, you want to yank his eyebrows out with sharp tweezers but you don’t.
You just learned how to control your anger! LOL

Your sister wont shut up, she keeps nagging at you for the stupidest things.
You walk away, but she follows.
You just learned tolerance!

Your mother keeps trying to teach you her favorite recipe. You burn it.
You just learned how to cook! Or in my case, I learned how NOT to cook LOL

A family teaches you about compromise.
A house full of teenage girls and one baby brother and everyone needs to compromise.

Were siblings, not clones! We may share the same parents but we are completely different people.

I have two brothers and no sisters.
One of my brothers thinks I am a bit dramatic and he’s right,
but “I’m a GIRL, It’s what we do!” LOL
I am the only sister so he has no point of reference to compare me to LOL.

On the other hand I think he is a bit short and to the point.
HELLO! Most guys are!

Ladies, not every guy wants a fifteen-minute dissertation when they ask a six-word question. Answer the question and walk away. I don’t do that.
I analyze his question LOL

Do you see what I mean? These are the people that teach us the most about growing up. They are the ones we want to either be just like or become as different from as possible.

Whoever raised you, shaped you. They taught you, and gave you the tools to face the crazy world we live in. You are who you are, because of the lessons you learned during the good times and the hard times.

I’m not trying to be all strawberries and ice cream here. I know there are very dysfunctional families out there. I have seen parents who do not deserve to have that title, and children scrambling to heal the wounds of a broken childhood.

For me this post is about forgiveness, acceptance, understanding and learning to love those qualities that made you who you are today, by forgiving and accepting those who had a part in raising you.

It just seems so easy these days, to get mad at a family member and stop talking to them. Soon, you’re estranged and as time passes, you allow the anger to take over so there is no hope of reconciliation.

We grow into separate people with our own opinions, feelings and views but were still connected. We come with our own baggage, our own issues, and our own life experiences. Some will accept those differences and stay close, others will judge those differences and chose to leave.

To me, it seems the lesson we all need to learn is to love and accept each other.
There is freedom that comes when you change how you view others and begin to love them for who they are, not for who you wish them to be.

I don’t believe in accidents. My faith in God tells me that I was chosen to be with this family and they were chosen to be mine. We’re not perfect but we are family.

I am blessed to have a birth family I was chosen to be in:
Parents, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles etc

The family I created and who chose me, consists of my husband and kids.

Then there are my friends who are like family: They can disown me at any time but for some reason they chose to stick around LOL

Although I drive them all crazy, I love them for who they are, what they bring to my life and for all the lessons they have taught me.

No man is an island, we can choose to become a hermit and live life alone or we can participate no matter how hard it may be some days.

When was the last time you told someone you love & accept them just the way they are?

Maybe times were tough and you no longer speak to your family.

When was the last time you forgave the past?

When was the last time you said “I Love You” to those who need to hear it or to yourself?

To my family

I’d walk over hot coals for you.
I know you know have my back.
I hope you know I have yours.
You make me crazy, as I do you.
You put up with my antics and the days are never dull.

I love you with all my heart and thank God for you daily.

I am here for you no matter what comes your way.

Were all in this together!

*Blessings*

We pray!

So much is going on in this world.
So many are suffering with illness, through abuse, financial issue etc.
As I pray for them all, I had to post this.

We Pray

We pray for a miracle
We pray for a sign of hope
We pray for a nugget of courage
We pray because giving up is just not an option.

© Kathleen Thackham and Recreating me, 2010-2040.

THIS WARRIOR IS A CHILD!

THIS WARRIOR IS A CHILD!

These last few days have been very hard. It’s been a rough year, many I love have passed away or found out they are fighting the cancer battle, yet again.

As I have prepared to walk in a breast cancer walk this weekend, the loss caught up to me.

The pain of those I love, the illness and death all around me, has brought me to my knees and the tears have flowed.

I am Thankful for Jesus, I am Thankful for his sacrifice and yet I am human and now I am reminded of the humanness and pain of loss.

So as I sit here today, I cherish the healing God has given me.

I realize that this warrior, the one who wants to “recreate me,” the one who wants to share Gods greatest blessings, is just a child.

I am human, he is God and I am not.
I am not perfect, he is.
I am not all-knowing, he is.
I am not the “be all and end all of the world”, he is.

I am just a broken girl, who seeks to share my life, hoping that my pain and story of redemption will bring someone closer to the man who saved my life.. GOD.

There are days when my weakness overcomes me and I cry to the Lord:
“Please take this burden from me.”

Then he tells me: “When you are weak, then you are strong, the less you have, the more you can depend on.”

Still through my tears I burst out: “But the road is so long and my burden is so heavy, Lord you know how weak I am, help me”

Then he replies: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

This warrior is a child.. of God!

I am human, I cry out to him to heal my hurts, to hold me in his arms and never let me go.

I seek him and he finds me!

I find comfort in his promises because God knows my heart, he knows what I’m thinking before I think it, he knows my pain before I cry, he knows my agony because he lived his own.

God knows what I need, when I need it and he decides when he will give it to me.

The courage is in waiting for that blessing to come.

So today I shed tears. Some for those I miss, some for the joy of more time with my amazing family and some for the pain of those who are still suffering.

I know the pain of cancer, the agony it brings and the way it changes families. I cry for those whose lives have been changed by cancer and I pray that God holds them close, brings them peace, healing and comfort.

God blessed me with a heart that feels the pain of others.
There is a reason for it and as much as it hurts I will rejoice in that gift and not deny it.

So I wait on him to heal my heart, wipe my tears and bring me the courage to be all he wants me to be. So I can bring love to those who need love, compassion to those who need understanding and friendship to those who are lost.

Thank you Jesus for never giving up on this broken soul.
Thank you for your blessings, for healing my body and for the life you have given me.

Each moment, good or bad has been a lesson of love and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

*Blessings*

© Kathleen Thackham and Recreating me, 2010-2040.